Silence Killed

2010-03-31T03:43:00.000-07:00

Goodbye

“Hurry up Kruti, you are late again!” her mother called and Kruti came running, her flowery bag pack ridding high on her shoulder. Just washed hairs annoying her, she grabbed a piece of sandwich and dashed towards the elevator, leaving her mother annoyed. She was so preoccupied with calculating the time left to catch bus and eating her sandwich, that she didn’t even realized, there He was, staring at her. And all of sudden, their eyes met. “How can somebody look so mysterious. I guess this is because of his eyes or because of his looks”, her thinking process was interrupted, as the elevator reached ground floor. He just said, “After you”. She blushed, but the sudden realization of missing bus, made her leave all delicacies behind and she ran and yes, she didn’t miss her bus. “Hello madame, any updates on your application?” asked Sandhya, her best friend. “No yaar, just waiting for the letter”, Kruti wanted to talk about the Oh-so-mysterious-intelligent-looking guy, but then dropped the idea, and continued, “I just wish I get admission for the PG programme and get a chance to live life on my own”. “Won’t u miss your parents and Me?” asked Sandhya and Kruti just smiled.

Now, it was a daily routine to meet Mr. Oh-so-mysterious-intelligent-looking everyday in the elevator, but neither of them volunteered to talk. But yes, he always used to make it a point to let Kruti go first. Long live chivalry!

Exams were over, and Kruti days were marked for so many activities, sleeping, watching television, talking on phone with Sandhya, listening to her mom nagging. Just one fine morning, her dad asked her to get up, and she was just so sleepy. “The letter has come, U got admission dear!”. She thought, she is dreaming, but oh yes, it was for real. She was just so so happy.

Next few days just flew away while getting the paper work done, shopping, meeting friends and what not. All the while, she just wanted to meet Mr. Oh-so-mysterious-intelligent-looking once. But all the hopes were in vain.

Finally, all set to go to taste life on her own, she told her parents not to come to the airport with her. It would be really difficult for her to say bye to them. While sitting in the cab, she was watching the housing society, which has been her home, since the time she opened her eyes. And all of a sudden, she saw HIM, jogging! It was as if God was listening to her prayers. She looked at Him, their eyes met. Her eyes were sparkling and She just waved him bye with her brightest smile.

2010-03-05T01:32:00.001-08:00

I wanted to post something...

Something, anything....

But then I search...

And I find...

There is no sense of humour left in me....

Not even sense of emotions...

And I search again.....

Only to find....

Sense of Void !!!

2010-02-11T21:30:00.001-08:00

So, when do you know, its love ?- Part II

In an earlier post, dated July, 08 So, when do you know, its love ?, I questioned, that when do you know, its love or something else. After a gap of about 1.5 year and some serious thinking( ;), I do THINK some time), I came up with the answer. This is just what I think the answer could be. Do let me know ur views. So, here it goes:

When u fight bitterly with the person you love and the person is quite sad and all. And one look at their face and u feel a strange pain in the left side of ur chest, where they say the heart is pumping, quite literally.(I know, this is too filmy ;), but I felt it)
When you and your beloved had a major disagreement over an issue and u guys are avoiding further talks. U search ur phone book, to talk ur heart out to some other person. But, then u find no one, with whom u want to talk. And deep down, u know, the only person, who can provide u some comfort is the person u love.(I guess, many of us would have experienced this)
When u feel like doing or planning something special for the person u love, but try not to do the same. As u question when was it, when S/he has planned something special for u. And end up doing things u have planned, just to see a smile on ur beloved's face.
When u try to think and act logically about the relationship, but end up doing what the heart wants.

Well, this is what I feel, the answer could be. So, ur turn, tell me, so when do you know its love?

2009-12-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

If Only....

“Dil ki yahi khata hain,

Dil ko nahi pata hain,

Ki dil chahta hain kya…..”

If only life would have been a book written with pencil and we could go back to chapters and erase things.

If only life would have been a mathematical problem and we could change variables and values and get a totally different result.

If only life would have been a word document and we could have done Ctlr-Z and typed new text.

If only life would have been a road with U-Turns and we could just go back and take a different road.

But, this is just not possible, because life seems to be story written on stone. A road that just allows us to move ahead without any U-turns. And what all we get in life is based on decisions we take, choices we make or is it the option we left behind while taking a decision. I get reminded of Charlie’s dialogues in “Kaminey” (Ya, I am too filmy!), which translates into…

“In life, fate doesn’t depend on the choices we make, but the options we leave behind.”

2009-09-12T04:23:00.000-07:00

Songs Aaj Kal

Life is a medley of different phases. And these days I am enjoying being a student again. Gone are the days, when I was privileged enough to travel by company shuttles. Now days, traveling to college require me to travel by public transport. Everyday, I travel with so many people, and don’t know a single one of them. Reminds me of the gazal by Jagjit Singh, “Har taraf Adami, beshumar adami…”. So, I generally take radio’s refuge to make the travel interesting. And the wonderful part of it is, every now and then, some song comes up which have some memories woven to it or some song which I simply like. When a song like “ Yeh dooriyan..” starts playing, I somehow feel the pain of being away from people you love so much. One song that simply amazes me is “Tune jo naa kaha…Khamakha…”. It is supposedly a sad song, but then why most of the people I know, like it. Is it like deep down, we can relate to it, for some reasons, we do not even want to explain ourselves.

The other day, a gazal from Umrao Jaan, “Zindagi jab bhi teri” came up. And I got reminded of college days. A dear friend of mine, liked this song for some special reason and could not get it. And one day, it started playing on Vivid Bharti and I recorded it for her. Then there is one song “Mora Saayian mose bole naa” about which me and a friend had long discussion over lunch. So, when this song came up, the first thing that came to my mind, was the urge to call my friend. They always say, you should move ahead in life. But what about all the good things you had to leave behind in this so-called process of moving ahead.

2009-06-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

Life!

For past seven years, most of the times, I have been traveling alone. Whenever I travel, I feel, life is stagnant and all I can do is enjoy it for a while. These times are more like some moments stolen from so-called busy life. Travelling provides an opportunity to think, without any interruption. As if I have got an opportunity to assess my life.
And once, during these “thinking-Spree”, I was debating on an idea. How should one lead His/Her life? What is the best out of two- To live it according to your loved ones or to lead your life like a vagabound cloud according to your own whims and fancies?
Most of the people, I met support the first option. And arguments in favour of are like, If you live life according to your loved ones’ wishes, you will not be alone. But then, what do we mean by “being lonely”. And here I am not asking for the literal meaning. Well, there have been times, when I was physically alone, but I was happy. I was not feeling lonely. But then there have been times, when I was surrounded by people, but there was not a single a person, with whom I can share what I am feeling. I believe at that time I was lonely, even in the crowd. So, what one gets, by living life for his/her loved ones happiness and giving up one’s own wishes in process. Don’t we live in illusion of SACRFISING our lives for people we love. I believe it is better to live our live according to our wishes and being happy. Because, I learnt one important lesson from life, if you do hundred favours for anyone but refuse for one task, then all those hundred deeds will be washed away by that one denial. Here, when I say, that one should live life according to one’s wishes, it doesn’t means, I am preaching to shy away from our responsibilities. Anyways, All your views are welcomed :)

2009-03-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

Customs, wastoms...Hai Rabba!

[Disclaimer: This post is not meant to hurt anybody’s religious beliefs or practices. I am just echoing out my personal belief on various religious practices and customs.]

For past few months, I have been observing that people follow so many customs. And they will also tell you that there is a reason behind following them. The reason can be as simple as “If you don’t follow this, all your good deeds will be in vain (You will loose all the “punya” you have gathered)”, “If you don’t follow this, you will go to hell after death (As if I care!), “If you don’t follow this, you will reborn as cat/dog”.
Now all the while I have been thinking, that here I am not certain what next moment has for me, so how can I plan about my so-called-life-after-death or so-called-rebirth. All I learnt through 25 years of my life is that one should pray with a pure heart. So, I have never been a follower of customs and all. I believe God is there everywhere and I don’t think that will not accept flowers or sweets, if I offer them with left hand. If God is Almighty and knows everything, then, why will he listen my prayers only in form of Sanskrit slokahs and why will he not pay heeds to them, if I feel like praying in my mother tongue.
Now, some of you may feel of which era she is talking about. But believe me; this happens in today’s world and that too in the upper-middle-class or middle-class families.
There might be others who might brand me as maverick, go ahead. But, I will always be, what I am. I may listen to people out of respect, but my basic beliefs will always remain intact.

2009-02-14T00:11:00.000-08:00

I Am Back!!

So, before everyone thought that silence acted as a phoenix and is born again, I am here , to kill silence.
Yes, I have been silent for quite long and observing so many things, just dying to blog about them. But I must tell you the process of changing surname require lots of time and energy. Yes, I was away from blogsphere as I was busy preparing for my marriage, then getting married and after that, post-marriage socializing. But during all this time, I realized that getting marriage is really a hectic task. I guess, I will take up the details in another post.(Hope, some of u will be interested in reading it ;)) But we can broadly divide the whole preparation in four broad categories(Ya, I always believe in documentation and bulleting, now, I can be a manager...). So here are they:

1. Shopping and shopping and lots and lots of shopping
2. Packing and packing and lots of packing
3. Two days of all the ceremonies and lots of fashions show
4. Post-Marriage socializing (Implies lots of lunches, teas and dinners)

All this time, I see myself transforming from a vagabond independent I-Know-What-To-Do kind of female to a docile I-Don't-Know-What-To-Do Daughter-in-law.
Anyways, enjoy life, however different it is from mine.... And yes, Happy Valentine's Day to all :)

2008-08-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

Me, simply Me...

I am comfortable with you, if I am comfortable in your silence as well.
I am friends with you, if I don’t have to think before talking to you.
I like you, if I respect your opinion even though they are different from mine.
I care for you, if I am concerned when you are feeling Oh-not-so-Good or Oh-how-Good.
I love you, if I can tell what exactly I hate about you.

2008-08-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

Interesting Tag!

Soorya tagged me! But before going ahead, I must say, in fact type, that this was such an interesting tag. It was actually fun :) So, here goes another tag...

Rules:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page, pick an image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?

Sheetal

2. What is your favorite food? Right now?

Chilly Paneer

3. What high school did you go to?

Holy Cross Higher Secondary School

4. What is your favorite color?

Lavender

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

John Abraham(So Cute!)

6. Favorite drink?

Cafe Mocha(I love the bitter-sweet taste of it)

7. Dream vacation?

Dharamshala

8. Favorite dessert?

Pastry with Ice-cream

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Myself!

10. What do you love most in life?

My family

11. One Word to describe you.

Smiling (people say that!)

12. Your flickr name.

I don't have any!

If you like it, take up the tag...It will be fun...

2008-08-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

My first Tag!

So, as the title says, this is my first tag.Thanks to Supernove :) And here I go…..

8 Things I’m passionate about:
My Family (I love them and take all important decsions in life, thinking about them. Not that, I am Oh-So-Good-Girl, but because they love me so much :))
Friends ( I am simply blessed to have wonderful friends.)
Love
Reading
Cooking (It is a real stress buster for me)
Talking (I can talk endlessly, one of my cousin says, if I call her then, for a 15 mins call, I talk for 13 mins and the poor girl, just says yes or no for the rest two mins ;))
Sleeping
Movies (I love watching movies, discussing movies, reading novels and then watching movies based on them…)

8 Things I want to do before I die:
Spend a night at a beach and stay till sunrise.
Visit Uttarkhand, Dharamshala and Back waters in Kerala
Enjoy few days in a wooden house in Darjeeling and stay there not like a tourist, but as a resident.
Be able to dance gracefully.(I am a pathetic dancer and friends are sweet enough to put it in a better way, "U dance like a 4 yr old kid, who doesn’t know, where her next step will land”.)
Do a post graduation in something related to art and fashion and take up a profession that allows me to do something creative.
Just stay at my home, doing nothing at all, enjoying every meal, talking as much as possible, and no routine, no responsibilities.
To write and get a book published.( God knows, if anyone will read them, but I seriously want to write one. In fact, I even tried writing one, when I was 13 yr old and instead of novel, it just turned out to be a mediocre short story.)
Learn weaving and pottery making. (Oh, these are two things, I want to learn...really!)

8 Things I say often:
Hey Baghwan!
Nahi.
Sahi hain.
Actually.( My younger cousin made me realize this, when she was copying me and said actually. She was just 3 yrs old that time and coming from her, “Actually” sounded so sweet)
Aisa kya.
Aacha.
Kuch bhi, haan.
Aapna dhyaan rakhana.

8 Books I last read:
Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri (Wonderful!)
Bomaby Rains, Bomaby Girls by Anirban Bose
Chip of the old blockhead by Rupa Gulab (Another Chick lit ;))
Gently fall, Bakula by Sudha Murthy (Simple, yet lovely narration)
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger (I didn’t like it)
Three Mistakes of my Life by Chetan Bhagat
Joker in the pack by Neeraj Pahlajani and Ritesh Sharma
Ancient Promises by Jayasree Mishra(I liked this one a lot, in fact I re-read it.)

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:
Mere pyaar ki umar ho…(Waaris)
Raat ka shauk hain…(Guru)
Aaoge jab tum Saajan…(Jab we met)
Pyaar ke liye chaar pal…(Dil Kya kare)
Bade acche lagte hain…(Balika Vadhu)
Pal pal dil ke paas…(Blackmail)
Humne dekhi hain un aankhon ki mehatkti…(Anand)
Hoothon se choo lo tum…(Prem geet)

8 bloggers who should do this tag:
Nikesh
Soorya
Ratheesh
If you are reading my blog for first time.
If you are reading my blog for second time.
If you are reading my blog for third time.
If you are reading my blog for fourth time.
If you are reading my blog for fifth time.
(Couldn’t help it!)

2008-07-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

A Smile!

Sitting in the Café, She was just listening to the song being played, ‘Dhoob jaana hain, mujhko dhoob jaana hain…” and the song brought memory of the movie, “Main, meri patni aur vo”. The unspoken hurt that Rajpal Yadav feels every time, the way he cries in the end, the way She cried, when She saw the movie. For few minutes, it just distracted her mind from her own life. Then comes the guy with menu card, she just struggles about what to order,” I guess, a chocolate pastry with ice-cream that will make me feel better…Noooo..that means so many calories and given the way I am skipping my aerobics classes, it is a strict No..Okay, Maybe hot Chocolate, but that will be too sweet…Then maybe Café Mocha, yes, Café Mocha, with Veg puff…And maybe two Oatmeal-Honey cookie.” Finally, she orders for a Café mocha, Veg puff and cookies.
While waiting for the Coffee, puff and cookie, she was just looking here and there. And then, She sees, at the table next to her, were lying the used coffee mug, an ice-cream cup, with two spoons, just being there and telling that two people, were lucky to have company of each other to share the goodies, maybe some piece of gossip, maybe some talks. And then, She realizes, that the craving is not for a Chocolate Pastry with ice-cream, the craving is for a friend, with whom She can sit there, and maybe they will not talk at all. Maybe She will just be as quite as She is now and the friend, knowing what She is feeling, will just tell her, “Everything will be fine!” and She will smile, only a smile on her face, but her eyes will betray her and will well up. Anyways, she silently enjoys her coffee, veg puff and cookies. And goes at the counter to pay the bill. The guy at the cash counter knows her as one of the regular customer, just comments, “You look dull, not well or...?” And then, She just smiles, a smile on her face…

2008-07-25T05:10:00.000-07:00

Friday-The 25th...

There goes my alarm, in its weird digital tone, to wake me up. And I feel lovely morning breeze, caressing my face, letting the curtain go flap-flap. I get up with a smile and stand for a minute near the window. One of those days, when I get up on time and don’t have to go ahead with the morning rush. I get ready and walk towards my bus stop. It is drizzling and believe me; it feels as if I am staying in a hill station. I enjoy the drizzle, as I have lost my wind cheater, but nothing seems to dampen my mood. Maybe, because it is Friday, maybe because it is so beautiful a morning.
The day just passes by, every passing moment; bring me closer to two days of freedom. Then, around 2.30, my teammate tells me, that there were a series of blast in the city. I don’t know how to react. And then, everyone in the bay seems to be talking about it. I started checking out on various news sites, for the details about the blast, calling up friends for ensuring their safety, calling my family member for telling them I am safe, mailing people, when calls couldn’t go through, checking news sites for updates again and again. It just left me wondering, how it will be for people, who died in these blasts, got injured in these blasts. Even they must have got up, this beautiful morning looking forward for the day ahead. How uncertain life is.
And it reminded me of my close shave with death. I was in college that time. I was burning the mid night oil for my minor tests and all of sudden, I hear a loud thud and there goes the power. I look out of room’s window and see the transformer in front of my window was set aflame, I went running downstairs and saw all my hostel mates gathered there. The fire was as if running on the electric wires, traveling from pole to pole. That very moment, I felt so calm. I felt, “Ok fine, maybe, I will die today…But I will have no regrets. All I want is just one last hug from my father, one last peck from my four-year old cousin, one last talk with my mother, when she is cooking, one last time, I want to tease and irritate my sister, one last time, I want to hear my elder sister calling me out affectionately…and lot many one more times” You must be wondering, why we could not just come out of the hostel. Well, our hostels used to be locked up in night and because of the fire, the guards, could not open the door. Anyways, one of the smart girl among us, switched off the main switch and that somehow stopped the fire. And then, standing there, I thanked God!

2008-07-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

Unsaid Sorry

How will be the environment in office??? Will it be like the way they show in movies???
Can they still act like a bunch of junkies??? Definitely not, there must be some code of conduct…How different will life be, once actual work begin??? Will she be lucky to be in company of her friends???
These were just some of the questions, doing round in Suramya’s head, a night before she has to join the Corporate world by reporting to the company, she was placed into during campus recruitment process. She got up next morning, even before the alarm could ring.
She took bath and prayed to God, as she is all set to step into an entirely different world. The day that will mark her transition from a vagabond college student with Who-Cares attitude to a responsible professional, who actually needs to take care of a lot many things!
There she walked from the working girls hostel, she just moved into, a day before, to take an auto to her reporting office. She was just walking towards an auto, and then she heard a familiar voice calling “Surmiiiii….” She turned back and saw her college friends Sahin and Akshita, standing near an auto and waving towards her. All of them were placed in the same company. She went ahead and in her usual college style, they exchanged pleasantries that were actually not so pleasant ;) Then, she joined them and all three of them reached together to their reporting office. Before the actual process could begin, they all had to wait for some time. Suramya utilized these waiting hours, to talk to her friends. She was happy to see so many of her friends and as they were meeting after a long gap of 1.5 months, there was so much to share. So, there, chatting with friends, sitting through various presentations, finally, they were given a company batch and employee number, that signifies their entry into the Corporate world.
On her way back, she was a bit quite, maybe, all the chit-chat for the whole day has tired her, and was just looking out of the auto, trying to familiarize with the entirely new place. And then, all of a sudden on the signal, she saw him. Yes, it was him, as the pillion on the bike. As usual, engrossed in his thoughts. Then, before she could call out him, the signal turned green and the bike got lost in the unknown roads of an unknown city.
All her happiness, excitement for the day vaporized and she was left with thoughts about him.
She had her dinner quietly and went to bed. But thoughts from past kept troubling her. And she remembered the first time she saw him, that was in school. Her elder sister told her that a new guy, Amit, has joined her class and he seems to be quite intelligent. She assured her sister that no random guy can challenge her sister. Her sister was a topper in her class. But the first unit test proved Suramya wrong. The new guy stood first and her sister was II in the class. And without even knowing him, she started hating him. Everyday her sister used to tell her, he is good in sports….he is so witty ….he is intelligent…. And she used to tell her sister that whatever it is, final exams, her sister only will top. Then one day, she came to know, that he is also coming along with the team, that is going for inter school debate competition, for which Suramya was going as well. So, it was a four member team along with a teacher who went for the debate competition. On the way to the school, where the competition was held, she avoided him, but later, she found him to be a humorous guy and just started talking to him. And then, begins the competition, she spoke well, he spoke better. She even helped him with a quote for rebuttal round.
And then, he stood I and she was II, but Suramya was happy. Because she thought, he deserved the first position. On the way back, they talked about so many things, some poems or stories they studied in school, movies, school and what not. He was two years senior to her and this is the first time, she spoke so much to a senior and that too he was friendly. She came back home and told her sister, that she and Amit talked a lot. Her sister was astonished and told her, he is quite shy a person, when it comes to talking to girls. After that, they saw each other in school, but hardly talked. No reasons as such, just like that. Somehow, with homework, unit tests, half-yearly exams, annual function, sports day and all, the memory of the inter school debate competition just took a back seat, but yes, it never faded. And then, came the day, when results of annual examinations have to be declared. Suramya’s result was declared and she was waiting outside her class for her sister. While she was chatting with her friend near the water cooler, her sister came up to her and told her, she stood first in class. Suramya was just ecstatic; her own good result was nothing for her. It was more important that her sister should top in her class, as she knew, this position means a lot for her sister. Then her sister told her, to come with her and carry few of her books, which a friend of her has returned. And she has not got her bag, she asked Suramya, to carry them in her bag. All the way to water cooler to her sister’s class, she was making fun of Amit and praising her sister. She was so involved, that she didn’t realize that Amit is walking behind them. She only realized, when Amit came and congratulated her sister and looked at Suramya with disgust. And then she realized that being happy for her sister was not bad, infact natural. But the way she made fun of Amit, she had hurt him. But now, what can be done. After that, she saw him only once and came to know, from her sister, that he is leaving the school, as his father got transferred and she never got a chance to apologize and today, when she saw him again, that unsaid sorry made her restless.

2008-07-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

A Chapter in Life

She walked towards the bus stop and sees him for the first time, waiting for the bus, chatting with his friends. He is casually holding a book. He has this mysterious smile on his face. Their eyes meet for a moment and then She just shrugs and stands there. The next day, She sees him again. There is something in the way He smiles, that for no reason, She looks in his direction, then irritated at her own weird behavior, She shrugs and start looking for her bus. Also, every time, he is holding a book and that turns out to be one of those bestsellers. So, He has a good sense as far as books are concerned.

For some reasons, She started taking another bus to office and then, She somehow forgot about the Strange-Guy-with-Mysterious-Smile-Holding-a-Book (Not a good name!). One day, when She got in her bus, She saw him and then, She thought, She knows him. After little bit of thinking, She realized, He is Strange-Guy-with-Mysterious-Smile-Holding-a-Book. Learning from her earlier mistakes, She avoided looking in his direction. But now, a strange thing started happening, now He has started looking in her direction. One day, He even took the courage and sat next to her. She just tried to act indifferent and plugged her earphones and closed her eyes.

On the way back, as well, they used to get down, at the same stop. One Friday, She just got down from the bus, and there, He called her, telling her that She forgot her windcheater in the bus. She uttered a quick thanks and was about to rush, then He called her and told her,” You can anytime ask me, name of the book, I am reading. I guess, you try hard to read the book's name, when I hold them” and flashed his mysterious smile. Her ears were set aflame and She turned red. Somehow, She just smiled back and said bye.
Next week, She got into the bus and her eyes were searching for him, but he was no-where to be found. She thought, he went home and maybe will be back next week. When He was not back for two weeks, She thought, He might have gone to work at some other place for sometime. After waiting for few months, He just became a chapter in her life.

2008-07-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

So, when do you know, its love ?

Something like this is the punchline of the Imran-starer-flick to be released this Friday, yes, 'Jaane tu...ya jaane naa..". Yes, it is the same movie, that has numbers like "Kaabhi kaabhi aditi.." and "Pappu can't dance..". I simply love "Kaabhi kaabhi Aditi.." song and am waiting to see the movie. But, nope, the post is not on the movie.

I seriously wonder, when one can say, that one is in love. sometimes, it can be just a infatuation, stretched long. Or is it, we are fed so much on doses of romantic movies, novels and serials, that sometime, we just mistake a crush for love. And sometimes, after seeing, so many people falling out of relationship, we mistake Love for crush. Sometimes, maybe, one is feeling all insecure and mistakes, companionship for Love. It can even be a case, where, one feels all lonely and miss one of the friend so much and mistakes friendship for love. Sometimes, maybe we are acting a little cynic and mistake love for friendship. I seriously have a doubt..."So, when do you know, its love ?"

2008-06-27T03:58:00.001-07:00

Friday morning Chase!

At 6.20am, Friday, my alarm tells me in it's irritating digital voice, to get up. But I decide for 5 more mins of bliss and snooze the alarm. Just like that, checked my cell phone and realized, as usual, instead snoozing, I have quit the alarm and it is almost 6.36 am.
Then starts the rush and finally, I leave my place at 7.30 am to catch my company bus which departs at 7.35 am. Bus-stop is just 5 mins away from my place. Just, when I reach the ground floor, I realize, I have forgot my specs. Now, should I just go ahead for a day without specs or should I go back and get them. Finally, I decided, will get them. So struggling for elevator, fetching my specs and coming back to ground floor, costed me my precious five mins and there, I miss the last bus to office , that has a stop near my place. Then, I start walking towards another place, that is 10 mins walk from my place and I have seen, a friend of mine waiting there, when I am travelling by the 7.35 bus, but he never boards the bus. This friend joined the company with me only. I used to think, maybe he is waiting for another bus, about whose timings, I am not aware of. So, after reaching the place, I ask him, is he waiting for next bus. He replies:” Hey, I have switched recently.” I was so disheartened, that forgot to congratulate my friend and took an auto to another stop, where another bus is expected at 7.50 am. I reached the place and with 2-3 other people from my company, waited for 15-20 mins. Now, that was it. Finally, I decided to walk back to my place, rest for some time and take a late-bus at 9.45.
So, when I reach home, it is 8.30, after spending an hour chasing an early bus to office on a friday morning….

2008-06-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

Songs, Songs and More Songs!

These days, traveling to office requires 2 hrs to and fro, so, that implies lots of music while traveling. Work also requires a lot of documentation related work, so, that implies, music in office as well. So, it is like I listen to songs on my cell phone, songs on radio, songs on media player, songs on my sister’s mp3 player (yes, I begged her, saying most of the radio channels play Kannada songs, so, she pitied her poor elder sis and gave me her mp3 player) But recently, the best one I heard was a bhajan. Yes, it is a devotional song! Recently, I met my cousin, who came all the way to Bangalore, to attend the advanced course of Art of Living. While casually chatting about how the course was, how it affects one as a person, he asked me to switch on Bluetooth on my cell phone and sent me two bhajans. I thought, will listen them sometime. And incidentally, on my way to office, I started listening to them. They are simply magical. I start humming along them. The most melodious voice I ever heard. And one of them has beautiful lyrics, just an example:

“Kaun kehta hain, bhagwan sote nahi,
Maa yashoda ke jaise sulate nahi...”
Then one day, was just listening to radio, and all of a sudden they started playing a song, that brought back memories of teenage. It is the one by Remo Fernandez. The track is “O meri munni, munni munni baby...”
Then another day, it was a gazal on Vivid Bharti, taught to me during school days… “Aapna gam leke kahin, aur naa jaaya jaaye..ghar main bikhari hui cheezo ko saazaya jaaye..”
Two songs, that I simply love listening on my cell phone are “aaoge jab tum sajana..” from “Jab we met’ and “raat ka shauk hain” from Guru…if you are wondering when was this song there in Guru, then let me tell you, it was a background score, that they used to play for Vidhya and Madhavan….And believe me, this song has awesome lyrics. Here it goes (Courtesy:Madame, lyrics in bold, with meaning in english):

Raat ka shauk hai
I aspire of the night
Raat ki saundhi si khamoshi ka
That earthen silence of the night
Shauk hai
I aspire
Subha ki roshni
That light of the morning
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Humming toward the mum morning
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai
I aspire of light, oh…I aspire
San sani anwlon ka
Of those pungency of amlas (I aspire to taste)
Ke ishq ke banwlon ka
Of those crazyness of the lovers (I aspire to have)
San sani anwle
Those pungent amlas
Ke ishq ke banwle
Those crazy lovers
Barf se khelte badolon ka
Of those clouds playing with the ice
Shauk hai
I aspire (to touch)
Kaash ye zindagi Khel hi khel mein kho gayi hoti
I wish this life were a child’s play
Raat ka shauk hai
I aspire of night
Neend ki goliyon ka
Of those sleeping peels (I aspire)
Khwab ke loriyon ka
Of those lullabies of dreams (I aspire to listen)
Neend ki goliyan
Those sleeping peels
Khwab ke loriyan
Those lullabies of dreams
Bezubaan aus ki boliyon ka
Of those (unsaid) words of mum dews (I aspire to listen)
Shauk hai
I aspire
Kaash ye zindagi binkahe binsune so gayi hoti
I wish this life had gone to sleep without saying or listeninganything
Subha ki roshni
That light of the morning
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Humming toward the mum morning
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai
I aspire of light, oh…I aspire

And thus goes on my tryst with music and lyrics …

2008-05-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

Thank God, It's Friday!

Another Friday is here, bringing along hopes of two days of fun. Sometimes I wonder, what Friday does to me, even if I am immersed neck deep in work, Friday has a magical spell on me.
The morning starts with a smile, and each passing moment brings me closer to freedom…freedom for next two days, freedom from getting up early, and freedom from doing things at pre-decided time. These two days are just perfect to laze around, go out, if the weather is good, watch TV whenever u want, enjoy a siesta, curl up in the bed with a nice novel, sit near the window, looking at the sunset and sunrise(in case, have not slept the whole night), catch-up with friends and talk without any stop, laugh like crazy at really stupid jokes… Oh, just few more hours and then, the weekend begins :) Enjoy weekend!

2008-05-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

Cleanliness Freak!

If I see any ad on TV, where kids are breaking things around the house or someone is breaking glasses or other stuff, I get irritated thinking about the very fact that someone will need to clean it. I cannot work in dirty kitchen or cluttered workspace. I used to open-up my cell phone earlier and clean it, every now and then [Thank God, I don’t do it now, for the very reason, that I have traded my Dabba for a new Phone :)]. So, after all these antics, friends have named me as cleanliness freak!
But yesterday, I met a person, who proved that I am not the only one obsessed about cleaning cell phone, keyboards etc etc. Yesterday we were waiting for a meeting to begin and sitting in a conference room brightened by sunlight, thanks to window without any curtain facing setting sun.. And while waiting for the meeting to begin, Mr. X says “In sunlight you can see there is so much dust on ur laptop” and then and there he took the opportunity to clean it. Next was the conference room phone to be blessed. But the cherry on the cake was, when he started cleaning his cell phone. He took out the outer cover, the keypad and started cleaning the cell, the keypad, the outer cover that keeps it intact and believe me, it was such a sincere effort. If the meeting would have been continued for little longer, I guess, our cell phone, might have been blessed as well…
So, now, I have met someone, who is a step ahead of me, as far as cleanliness is concerned, so, I am happily giving away the title :)

2008-03-13T08:56:00.001-07:00

Company

Everyone has their list of favorite restaurants, favorite shopping places, and favorite cafes. But, whenever, I go through my list, I find, most of the places have made up to the list because I have memories of wonderful time spent there with wonderful people.
ICH (Indian Coffee House) was never special because I like the food there or like the ambience, for me ICH is a reminder of my college days, when, all we used to have is rs 20-30/- and we used to go and have a cup of coffee. And meet so many other people from college; tease them as if it is not ICH, but our own college canteen.
Moreover, shopping at Commercial Street is not at all fun anymore, with anyone or even alone. It was only great, with a dear friend. She used to scold me for buying all unrequired stuff every weekend and I used to cajole her to allow me to buy them. Then, I had to irritate her by showing her everything we bought, sitting at Café Coffee Day. Well, madam, used to take revenge, once we were back to our place, by copying all my expression, while I shop, in front of 7 wonderful friends.
Another place is a Paratha Corner kinda place near to my previous office, of which I was particularly fond of and used to go quite often there for lunch with a dear friend. Recently, went there, with other friends and even alone. I don’t like it the other way. It was always good, only with you Madame!
I believe, it is just not the place, it’s the company that matters a lot :)

2008-03-06T22:11:00.000-08:00

Listen and Smile!

Well, read in one of the forwards, about some random things that make one happy. One of them was “Listening your favourite song on radio”. And I find this one true. There are few songs which when played on a day, when I am in not-so-good mood, really bring back smile to my face. Here are they:

“Sathiya tune kya kiya, beliya tune kya kiya..” (Love)
“Wada raha sanam, honge juda naa hum”(Khiladi)
“Jaane kya chahe maan bawarra.”(Pyaar ke side effect)
“Tujhse naraz nahi zindagi, heraan hoon main”(Massom)
“Tanha dil, tanha safar” (Shan)
“Dil kya kare”(Salaam-e-Isq)
“Aabhi naa jaao chod kar, ki dil aabhi bhara nahi”(Hum dono)
“Tere naam se jee lo..”(Kailash Keher)
“Tere bin main youn kaise jiya”(Atif)
“Nee amruta dhaare”(I don’t know the movie name, but I know it’s a kannada song)
“Aaoge jab tum sajan”(Jab we met)
“In lamhoon ke daman main..”(Jodha Akbhar)
“Kehane ko jasn-e-bahara hain”(Jodha Akbhar)
“Jabse tere naina mere naino se..”(Sawariya)
“Mere pyaar ki umar ho itni sanam”
“Roz roz aankhon taale, ek hi sapna chaale”
“Phir wahin raat hain, phir wahi raat hain khwab ki..”
“Aankhon hi aankhon main isara ho gaya”
“Naa jiya laage naa, tere bina mera kahin jiya laage naa”(Anand) “Tere bina jiya lage naa”
“Koi fariyad tere dil main daabi ho jaise”(Tumbin)
“Janeman janeman tere do nayan, chori chori le ke gaaye dekho mera mann”
“Suno naa suno naa, sun lo naa”
“Sawli si ek ladki..”(Mujhse dosti karoge)
“Ek nazar main bhi”(Taxi 9211)
“Pyar ke liye char pal kam nahi the, kaabhi hum nahi the, kabhi tum nahi the”(Dil kya kare)
"Kuch is tarah teri palkein"(Atif)
"Jab nahin aaye the tum"(Dev)
"Tumse milke aisa laga tumse milke"
"Allah ke bande has de"(Kailash Kher)
"Khul ke muskura le tu"(Phir Milenge)
"Der se hua, par pyar to hua re"
"Sach yahi yaar hain, baas wahin pyar hain, jiske badle main koi to pyar de"(Sagar)
"Ankhon main kya, is dil se pooucho zara"(Khamoshi)
"Likhe jo khat tujhe, vo teri yaad main"
"Aye nargishe mastana, bas itni shikayat hain"
"Kaun aaya, ki nigahaon main chamak jaag uthi"
"aaghe bhi jaane naa tu, peeche bhi jaane naa tu, jo bhi bas yahi ek pal hain"
"Aane wala pal, jaane wwaala hain"
"Tumhi dekho naa, yeh kya ho gaya"(KANK)
"Dheere jalna dheere jalna, zindagi ki lo par jalna"
And the list will go on and on…But I need to put a stop here….

2008-02-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

Memories

Another weekend and while watching TV, I was wondering about how memories are attached to so many small things. I have been moving from one places to another, from time to time. From home to college hostel, from college hostel back to home, again from home to the place where I got my first job, getting transferred from location 1 to 2, again getting transferred from location 2 to location 1. So, I have attended so many farewells, parted from so many friends, and so many small things to remind of time spent with wonderful friends.Whenever, I am packing my stuff and cursing myself for accumulating so much stuff, I realize that it is so difficult to leave small things that may seem nothing to others.The chocolate wrapper, in my college diary, for the chocolate I shared with a friend on last day of college. Or another chocolate wrapper, in another diary, that a friend gifted on railway station when I was moving to other place. The star stuck to a parting gift or the cute-pink ribbon on the bouquet, gifted to me on another farewell. The “titles” given to me during college farewell and hostel farewell. Or the tissue paper on which a friend signed and asked me to keep it saying “Keep it, when I will famous, you can show it off to people”. And I just shrugged, giving an expression like “As if I care”, but kept the tissue with me. Or the small “best wishes” cards stuck to the gifts or bouquets, I received. And again, while packing, I will pick up these things, cherish the memories attached to them, only to realize, that lots of packing is still left…

2007-12-31T00:19:00.001-08:00

Another year!

After getting so many forwards on the fact, that 28 Dec is the last Friday of the year, I started thinking about how was 2007 as an year for me.And I realized, well, almost half the year, I was just studying or as the managers prefer, building up competency. God knows, why they use use huge terms as "Self Development", "Building Competency" just to tell you, that "Look dear, we have no work for you, so, why don't you sit in that corner delegated to you and pretend that you are studying". Anyways, but the year taught me a lot. So, here I take the opportunity to summarize the lessons learnt, ya I believe in documentation ;). So, here it goes:

1. If they say "Death is the biggest truth about life", I think UNCERTAINTY comes next to it.

2. Being an organized and methodical person actually messes your life at times, all the planning and organization was good for school and college life.

3. Take life as it comes, take only one day at time, or say only one minute a time :) As Dale Carnegie would have preferred "Live in day tight chambers".

4. Care for people who are dear to you, but simply and strictly, DO NOT expect anything from them, not even basic courtesies.

Well, its not the case, that I have become cynical, instead, I guess, I am on my way to become prudent. I guess, only experiences can teach you that life is not a bed of roses, there are thorns as well, to teach you the value of the roses on your path. It all depends on the person, what they want to see. Now, Here I decide, only to look for beautiful things in life.

So, as the new year is approaching, I was thinking should I make resolutions, but as soon as I tried to jot down my resolutions, I was amused to see so many repetitions from the earlier list, Anyways, I will try to make few:

1. First and foremost, lose weight. Isn't it the resolution I make every time, infact every month and end up breaking it ;) so, this one is chalked out.

2. Study and build competency. Well, this is one resolution I am making right from my school days and still, I start studying at the eleventh hour only, so another resolution chalked out.

3. Cut down on cribbing. sorry, that's a stress buster, so another one chalked out.

4. Behave properly with people dear to you. This is new one on list, will stick to it.

5. Take life as it comes. Another new one and another addition to list.

Finally, two resolutions for me along with one motto, Come what may, enjoy life :)I am all set to enjoy another year...Welcome 2008 :)

2007-12-24T02:47:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2008

I wish, that the coming new year brings vibrant colours in your life,
Filled with fragrance of flowers,

Freshness of morning,
Brightened with wonderful smiles,
Calmness of an old countryside,
Song of rain,
and all the wonderful joys of life....

Happy New Year...

2007-11-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

Jab We Met!

“Kitne multiplexes ka revenue badhya last weekend?” Something like this was the question asked by one of my friend few days back. So, I thought, maybe its time to give a first hand report on one such revenue contribution act.
Saturday, Madam (yes, that’s me), Friend1 and Friend2 decide to go for a movie. Madam is hell bent on watching “Jab We Met”, here goes the conversation:
Madam: “So, we will book tickets for “Jab We Met”?”
Friend1: “Why are we watching this movie? I can’t stand Kareena.”
Friend2: (with an irritated look) “She is dying from past two weeks to see this movie.”
Madam: Smiles :)
Friend1: “Let’s go for Sawaariya.”
Freind2 and madam stare at Friend1
Madam: “It will be released on Nov 9.”
Freind1: (embarrassed)
So, finally tickets were bought and both Friend1 and Friend2 are busy sulking and eyeing people waiting to get inside the audi. Madam is smiling triumphantly. Finally, when they are seated inside, watching random ads, Madam consoles Friend1.
Madam: Hey don’t worry, even I hate Kareena and I equally detest Sahid. But promos are good, so hopefully movie will be good.
Friend1: (Just smiles:))
Madam enjoyed movie thoroughly, at times she was the only one laughing. Yes, she has this habit of laughing on trivial stuff. After the movie, she again troubles Friend1.
Madam: “Movie was not that bad naa.”
Friend1: “Yes yaar, I liked the songs.”
Friend2: “Yes, I liked the movie.”
Now madam is happy, she made three people (including her) like a movie by Kareena, someone, they simply can’t stand.

Well, but on a serious note, I simply liked the movie, there are so many reasons for same. After so many days, I have seen such a simple, yet lovely love story. Maybe after “Socha Naa tha” (Yes, it is the first movie from same director), I have seen another movie, where typical dialogues and reactions in Hindi movies, were replaced by more realistic ones. Sahid, acts so well, being the subtle one but then also, stealing the scene. And even though, I can’t stand Kareena Kapoor, I simply like her in the movie. What an innocent brat she was in the movie. Few scenes between Kareena and Sahid, displays the excellent rapport they have or should I say they had. And music, just too good, especially songs like "Yeh isq hai.." and "Tumse hi..". Altogether, I liked the movie and yes, even made two other Kareena Bashers like the same

2007-10-18T03:57:00.000-07:00

WHY?

Why is it like people repeatedly tell me to do things I detest to do...?
Why do people take liberty of commanding me in form of advices about how to lead my life..?
Why my loved ones nag me for some decisions I have taken..?
Why they don't stand by me, when I need someone...?
Why they ask me not to talk about what I am feeling bad about...?
Why God is displaying his uncanny sense of humour to me all this while..?
Why there are so many questions..?

2007-10-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

Life is a Game, play it…

Life actually baffles me at times, I guess time to sing “Tujhse naraz nahi zindagi heraan hoon main..”. Last few weeks, life is blessing me with surprises almost everyday. And believe me; I am still not able to decide are they good or bad.
Everyday, I think, okay maybe, this is the direction, life is going to flow and in-split-of-a- second, life just takes a different turn, I know, life is so uncertain…But maybe first time, its blessing me with such uncertainty, can’t say is it a harsh blow of uncertainty or cool breeze of uncertainty, that brings changes. I know, even this shall pass away. But what about me who is facing the phase. I wish for something absurd and the most absurd thing I ask for in just a minute of stupidity, God fulfills that wish and then I am left thinking why, I ever uttered this wish. He knows, what is good and what is bad for me, so, now, no more wishes, only a prayer, bless me with peace of mind.
And ya, if anyone think, I need a crash course in Power-of-Positive-Thinking, let me tell you, I already had one, two weeks back and failed badly last weekend. Somehow, all the way they ask you to deal with the problem, are ways they tell you to actually shy away from the problems. But a little moment of thinking and those problems are there, telling you, "better, you tackled me right then, istead of enjoying your so-called Power-of-Positive-Thinking". Sometimes, even if we know the solution, its not that easy to execute it. I know, Life-is-not-a-bed-of-roses, but I expect, atleast one petal.
Oh God! Bless me with peace !

2007-10-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

Friends

Scene 1:

"Hey, can we go for a movie after office..okay, take the flexi timing shuttle, will meet you for a movie at 7, PVR, Mc D side.."
And who reaches late the one whose office is near to forum...As usual, she echoes out, "Its not my fault, you know traffic after office hours is terrible..." Expression on friend's face, "New excuse!!!" Another friend says, "Yes madam, its never your fault.."
And madam just smiles...

Scene 2:

Madam asks, "What time is the movie..?" Friend whispers in another friend's ear, "Tell her 9'o clock, she will be there by 9.30, then we can easily go for the show at 9.45 am..." Madam just stares with an artificial anger...

Scene 3:

Messenger window pops up at 12.30 PM , "Chale..", reply " Yes madame..."
Messenger window pops at 3.30 PM, "Shottttttttttttttt lag raha hain.." reply varies.."Yahan bhi..." or " :), what happened da????"
Messenger window pops at 5.30 PM, "Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"...reply "Chalo.."

Scene 4:

Madam sitting on her favourite place watching TV, but whats that, she is quite...
One of the roomies ask..."What happened da..? Why are you not talking..?"
Madam starts with dignified tone..." Today had a weekly meeting and aunty said......" words lost in tears...
7 wonderful friends consoling madam... Now aunty happens to be the nick name for madam's all time favourite teammate(yes, sarcasm is highly intended)

Scene 5:

Friend calls up.." I will come at 5..After that, I have to go for my cousin's baby's birthday party at 7..."
Madam: "Okay...."
at 5.45, madam calls up friend "Where are you..?", reply: "I will come in some time, buying gift for the birthday girl.." Suggestions on gift shared.
At 7, madam, calls again and says, "You go for the party, don't bother coming down to meet me..."
Friend: "I am already there.."

Scenes can be endless, but friends, they may be just few, but simply wonderful....
All you dear friends, just can't tell you, how much I miss you....

2007-09-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Follow Ur Heart!

One stupid decision and you curse yourself for the outcome…
Stupid ethical dilemmas and you curse yourself….
Follow your heart…So easier said…
But are we really allowed to follow our heart ?

2007-05-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

Wannabes!!!

Wannabes …There so many…I met so many all through out my life…
In college, I have found some small town girls wanting to be hype like the girls from metros…Girls from metros want to be as cool as the NRIs; the NRIs want to be like those firang females…And there are so many wannabes… The language, slang to be specific, dressing style, topics of discussion they pick up from their so-called ideals… I just want to make one point very clear, making someone your ideal and trying to emulate them is far, far different than being a wannabe and copying the so-called ideal of yours and giving up your true self in the process. Now, same is the story with guys wannabes…The guys want to be John-look-alike, will sport long, straightened hair, no matter how bad they look with all those split ends and weird colours, SRK look-alike will wear bright, zingy-zangy shirts, and just after “Kuch Kuch Hota hain”, I could spot so many guys, wearing those tight T-shirts and in process of building body, they end up with disproportionate body… I firmly believe that “Looking Good” is a feeling common with most of human beings, but in this process, why to end up being a joke!
Earlier, I used to avoid all the Wannabes…Somehow, never liked them and couldn’t respect them… But now, life has just trapped me and put me in company of some wannabes, just can’t escape…And, now other than not liking them, I pity them, for not even being able to understand that they want to be someone else and have deserted their own selves…And as they say” Everyone is unique”, so why not direct our energy in bringing out the best of ourselves, rather than trying to be someone else….

2007-05-29T06:18:00.001-07:00

Solitude- Boon ?

When I joined my job, I had joined an office, where I had no friends, no acquaintances. Day one, my manager introduced me to everyone and I was delegated a corner. I was so lonely that I didn’t have lunch the very first day. Slowly, I learned how to survive alone in office, I usually used to study, as had no work and go back to comforts of the place where I was staying as a paying guest. Then, one fine day, I decided, its enough and went to a girl, who used to sit in a cubicle adjacent to mine and had smiled at me sometimes. I went to her and said “I know, its weird, but do you mind, if I have lunch with you?” And the angel she is, she not only talked nicely to me , but we even went for a walk and I cribbed, cribbed and cribbed about my loneliness, about people being so aloof towards my existence and all. Then, it was one of those family day kind of events at my office and I was one of the volunteer. I met this wonderful girl, who later turned out to be a true friend, there. Slowly, made few, but great friends in my office.
Then, when work started pouring down, I realized, people are not aloof, they are busy, so, they can’t give so much attention to newcomers.
But, they say “History repeats itself”. Now, I am again in similar situation, new office sans friends. In fact, earlier, I had friends in the same city, so weekends were great. But here, somehow, even weekends are so lonely. But now, I am not cribbing…Okay, was cribbing initially, but after few days, I realized, I am sort of liking solitude. Somehow, I feel loneliness sounds as negative and solitude sounds positive…I have some strange notions, can’t help it. So, this solitude had given me a chance to think about myself, about my future and what I want from life…What actions I need to plan and work out to meet my dreams. Earlier, life was just sandwiched between weekdays and weekends. All leisure time was spent having fun with friends. But all this while, I have got to know myself. I got to know how merely 22.5 months have changed me, from a student to a employee, rather to a resource. So, now, I believe, sometimes solitude turns out to be a boon…

2007-05-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

Friday Night...Me and my solitude...Sounds inspired by Amitabh, oh yeah...
Okay....So, Friday night, I and my solitude were busy watching people sing for various causes. Some for being the Idol of our Nation, some wanted to be the Voice of nation, some poor people were getting grilled by Asha(?)ji... But, it was all fun to watch, what all scene they create for TRP...How, judges fight, comment subtly on other shows... I don't believe any mature human being will perform such antics naturally on National TV...Yes, this is all TRP and publicity game...So, it seems all these so-called reality shows and talent hunt are about nothing but simply being melodramatic...They actually "HUNT" talent and after some days, talent is no more…What they need is the ability to drop tears at drop of hat, or abuse other contestants or fighting with judges ...But how much I make fun of all this, I believe that these shows are more entertaining than all the conspiracies going on the Saas-Bahu sagas....These shows at least portray human beings as grey characters rather than painting them as out and out white and black...
So, I am waiting for another Friday...When the melodrama begins ;)

2007-04-30T02:20:00.000-07:00

Paradox

Sometimes I wonder what I want from life. When I was in school, I thought it will be great when I will in college. And in college, I used to miss school. During final year, I just wanted to start working, and when I joined the corporate world, I started hating it for its sheer monotony and used to miss college for the varied experiences it blessed me with.
Then I thought, maybe moving to a place near to my hometown will prove to be a solace. Finally, moved heaven and hell for getting transferred, and now, when I am transferred to a place near to my hometown, I question my self, was all this hassle worth. I miss my flat mates, my old team members and all my friends. Why is it I realize worth of things, people, and situations in my life, when I have already parted from them? Why I am such a paradox?

2007-03-07T04:52:00.000-08:00

Women’s Day

I always have a doubt that what purpose is served by dedicating a day for something as important as Love or Father or Mother or Women or Friendship or….I guess the list is too long…
I just feel all these days are nothing but market building activities for companies like Archies and many more…Well, its not that I don’t wish people on these days and join groups protesting against these days. Ya, I wish people on these days…But there is always a thought, why all this…Maybe a day particularly dedicated gives us an opportunity to tell people how important they are...But celebrating all this is a waste, if you celebrate Valentines day with someone and dump that person next week… Its waste, if you wish your mother “Happy Mother’s Day” and next day make her cry… Its useless, if you wish your father “Happy Father’s Day” and go on defying him every now and then… It’s of no use, if you keep sending mails on Women’s Day and then see women getting exploited every now and then quietly… Tell me what purpose it serves, sending mails on Friendship day and not being there with your friend, when s/he is alone and needs a friend…
Its not about celebrating these days, its about loving people and celebrating each passing day as an occasion of love and care.

2007-02-26T02:04:00.000-08:00

Time for ???

You pray for something to happen, attach all your happiness to it....Strive hard to achieve it....And once you attain the desired, you feel, was all that effort justified...Why I moved heaven and hell, to let this dream come true.....You feel certain kind of void, as, you got what you wanted....
I guess this is the time to set a new goal...What say????

2006-12-19T05:20:00.000-08:00

My Dabba…err…My Cell Phone

My Dabba, as others call it fondly and my cell phone, as I call it, is one blue colored, chipped from here and there, Nokia 2100 cell. It bears all my brutalities and never says a word. Rings when I am having dinner or tea after an irritating day and never rings when I want it to.
But the story is not about how it troubles me, this story is about the humiliation my Dabba has to face every now and then. I went for my dear sister’s marriage and went for shopping. After coming back, I forgot where I left my Dabba… And was searching for it everywhere in the house. My sister mocked by saying that no one will ever think of stealing my Dabba, then my cousin replies, “ No di, you know what, who so ever will find your Dabba, will find you and return your Dabba.” Well, I just laughed and moved ahead…Jealous of my Dabba, you see… Then, after finding my Dabba, I went to the place, where my sister’s marriage had to take place; I was nicely clad in some lovely attire, carrying my Dabba with all pride and joy. All of a sudden my uncle came near to me and told me” Beta, should I buy a new cell phone for you?” I gave him looks like what for… I could see in his eyes, pity for his poor niece, he must be wondering that my company is not paying me well, that’s why I am carrying this cell phone. I just told him” No chacha, I am happy with this one…” Sometime back, my cousin got a lovely cell cover for my sister’s cell phone, I asked him to buy one for my little Dabba as well, to this request he replied” This model is obsolete now, you won’t get a cover for this.” Now, you can understand how much humiliation my Cell Phone has to bear at home.
But the humiliation story doesn’t end here only…My friends are more jealous of my loyal Dabba. I have a habit of cleaning my Dabba by opening it every now and then and wiping of dust from every nook and corner of it. My friend always says” It already a Dabba and due to constant cleaning, it will become a waste box soon”. So, stopped cleaning it…Another friend of mine blames my Dabba when Its Hutch faults. I think the Hutch doggie is badly injured, as the network never follows me anytime. But my friends blame all this to my beloved Dabba.
Now, the thing is whatever everyone say about my Dabba, it is really difficult to part from it.
It has witnessed so many moments of my life, smiles, laughs, tears, conspiracies and ya, all those farewell calls, when I was leaving college. So, it’s actually difficult to part from it…And I know, that’s what is making everyone jealous ;-)

2006-11-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

CHILDHOOD

Anytime you hear this beautiful word, so many beautiful thoughts start pouring.Childhood, as most of the people agree, is such a lovely period of life. All the small things like reaching school on time, fighting with friends and playing with the same friends next day, getting punished for trivial things like not polishing school shoes, waiting for winter and summer breaks, getting scared during exams, playing in hot sun without worrying about getting tanned, eating whatever you want from roadside without thinking about hygiene, used to matter so much. It was more of a life driven by passion and emotions, rather than concerns and logics. But then there is always other side of the coin. Yesterday only I was sitting in auto, waiting for the signal to be green. Suddenly a young kid of age, say 7-8 years, came begging. I was wondering what must be her thoughts about childhood. The age, when she deserves to play, get pampered, at that age she is concerned about getting her daily bread. The age when she should be cared, she is wondering as if no one is there for her.How true it is, every definition in this world tends to be relative…Nothing is absolute…

2006-11-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

Just Another thought !!!

I was just sitting and wondering, What is more difficult to bear?

i. Your own hardships ?

ii. Your Loved ones' hardships and pains ?

I guess, our loved ones' hardships....Because when you are in trouble, you can help yourself and search for solutions. But when your loved ones face hardships, it brings such pain that will burn you every second....But the worst is not being able to help them, that very feeling of helplessness...One tear from their eyes is enough to keep you awake whole night or irritated for the next whole week....But then I read somewhere, "Let your loved ones struggle...Else, u will retard their growth and deprive them of the lessons which only life can teach......"

Well, we all read the fundas of life in so many novels, books and stories......But you understand their meaning only when you experience them yourself. And when life's struggles teach you the already learnt lessons, you feel as if you have discovered something really new but true forever.....

2006-10-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

Just a Thought !

Isn't it irritating when at some point in ur life you feel all trapped and there seems to be no way out. And to worsen the situation, all you are left with is to wait for time to bring along solution. The feeling of helplessness is so killing.

But as my father always says " Even this shall pass away "......

Waiting for this also to pass away......

2006-10-03T04:50:00.000-07:00

Disappointed :(

Saturday night, by going with time, it was sunday early morning, 2.30 a.m. to be precise. I was bored browsing through channel, sitting alone and wishing that some nice movie should come on some of the channel. I was irritated by seeing the same songs on Zoom again and again. Then I saw a movie was starting on ZEE Cineam. Hey, I jumped with happiness, it is one of my all-time favourite movie. It was "love", well, many have not seen the movie. But it is the same Salman-Revathy starrer movie with the beautiful number " Sathiyaa tune kya kiya....Baliya yeh tune kya kiya.."I decided to see the movie and sat eagerly waiting for the song, but after an hour I realize, that the movie was actually chopped and the song was not at all there.I also realized many of the scenes were missing. I was disappointed to core and switched of the TV :(

But nevertheless, the movie is still one of my favourites.Maybe because I saw it in my teens and it is a cute love story.Maybe because I like the anger in Salman's eye and the Reavthy's bubbliness. All these female actors trying to potray themselves as bubbly, should see Reavthy and learn what being bubbly actually means.

2006-10-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

I Miss !

I miss the pale yellowish-brownish-peachish colour on the walls of my home.I remember when we were young(I mean me and my sister), every year, before diwali, we used to go and try to cajole my grandpa that atleast in our room, we can have a combination of baby pink and sky blue. But my granpa always used turn down our suggestion by saying that the colour, with which we are painting our walls ever since our house was built, makes room look big.Well, now I miss that stupid coloured wall.
I miss all those lazy afternoons, when I used to laugh to my hearts delight on my father's and Chacha's(uncle's) jokes.We all, I mean my sister, me, chacha, my cousin and papa used to chat on every topic on earth and I am actually in awe of my chacha's and papa's sense of humour.
I miss coming back home with one or two achievement in my kitty and telling it to my grandpa in the shop, then shouting about it while taking the stairs to my home. Our shop is on ground floor with our home occupying I and II floor.
I miss crying before exams and my grandma and granpa consoling me and my mother trying to burn me with all the anger she used to have in her eyes.As usual, I never used to study before and get scared at eleventh hour and cry.
I miss watching all the movies on saturday night with my grandma on doordarshan. I have watched so many movies with her.
I miss talking endlessly to my father before going to sleep and his "haan haan" becoming quite frequent then required, was an inkling that he is feeling very sleepy.

I miss talking all about school with my cousin at dinning table and having lunch for one hour.

I miss all those teachers who used to seem class apart from normal people. And I am not bragging, but in all my school life, I rarely used to make fun of my teachers, they seemed too respectable for all that.

I miss the way my little darling cousin used to speak my name, when she was two yrs old. It was difficult for her to say my name, but she always used to call me by her own version of my name.

I miss all those vacations after exams which used to be like rain after a long irritating summer. Be it winter vacation or summer vacation, an off from school was always a delight.

This list of "I Miss" will be endlessly painted with my memories of childhood. When I was done with my college, I used to think that college days were the golden days of my life. Now I realize, if college days were golden, then my school days were paltinum :)

2006-09-11T01:45:00.000-07:00

DON'T, DON'T SMILE !

I am from a family who laugh as loud as they can even on petty things. No one ever told me that I should not laugh aloud. Even my sister, so sophisticated and unlike me, laughs so loud that I always tell her that when she comes home, our neighbours complain that their 1 yr old baby is not able to sleep properly these days as he is scared by her laugh. Even in school or college I used to laugh to my heart's delight and all my friends used to make fun of my cacophonous laugh. But after college, when I joined "Corporate world", I thought now my laugh should be replaced by smile. Training was fine as all the people with me were freshers like me. One of the training mate used to tell me that I resemble all those smilies I paint on mspaint everyday.

Finally, training was over and I moved to a team where people were experienced and knew all the rules of the game. My smiling chapter continued here also, but it met a different kind of reaction. There was one person, who was too shy to smile back. There was another chap, who was quite whimsical. I find this thing so funny, even though you will be walking with ur heads down and gazing the ground, you can make out that the person coming in front is staring at you or not. Usually, I walk in the office with my heads down, just a habit. But this chap used to stare so constantly, that I had to look up and see him and smile. But sometimes when I used to smile while talking to him, he would just give me a scornful look, as if saying "Why on earth you are smiling like a fool?". Then, there is another guy, who in answer of my smiles, will either give a stare as if saying "DON'T SMILE" or he will just smile for a nanosecond as if blessing the gesture by allowing it to stay on his face. The feamles were softer in their approach towards my smiling habit. They always used to give me a confused look as if conveying " Whats the reason to smile?".

Well, this was just the case in office. Now something about outside the office premise. There is a bank, with which I have my account and I trouble them by my frequent visits and numerous questions. In this bank, there is beautiful lady. Generally, I have to deal with her. While standing and waiting, I wonder, How beautiful she would have been when she would have been young. She must be in her early 40s or late 30s.She is a kashmiri, one look and you can guess this, so, no prizes for guessing. But then, even she had a strange habit of not smiling.By looking at her, I get reminded of SRK's dialogue in "kal ho na ho" that he says for Preity, "Hey Iswar, yeh ladki muskaran bhool gaayi hain"(Oh My God ! this girl has forgoteen how to smile). I just wanted to see this beauty smiling. So, I tried one thing.Once she was done with all my requests, just before leaving, I asked her "Are u a kashmiri by any chance?" And my god, she flashed her awesome smile and nodded. So, after all the smiling debacles at office, this little success boosted my confiedence in the act of smiling.

Some Habits Die Hard..........

2006-09-09T05:27:00.000-07:00

Care

"Oh my God!! It's 10'o clock...Again I quit the alaram in sleep.......Late again"these were the first few words , I muttered in the morning. As usual, I have no idea when I quit alaram in morning and I am late again. Late means reaching late to office and then sitting till 8-8.30 in office to finish the usual routine. I hate all this, getting up late, reaching office when everyone is even done with their first round of coffee and deeply engrossed in their work. Well, I seriously need to do something. So, begins a usual morning, with cursing my own self. I miss my mom everyday, when I get up late. She used to wake me up in morning, when I was in school. But gone are the days, from last 5 years, I am struggling to get up on time. But all these efforts are futile. Sometimes I get up on time and reach early to office. And everyone gives me the look " IS IT YOU????" Well, no one bothers much to talk with me, so no questions or such, but ya, I DON'T LIKE reaching late to office. Well, anyways, that doesn't means I will not go to office, So, I rushed towards the bathroom, took bath, got ready and prayed. Now, I head towards my landlady's flat for breakfast. I stay as a paying guest, but my landlady stays in a different flat, just one floor down ours. So, we all, I mean all my flatmates, go for breakfast to her flat. I was hungry like anything and I reach there and asked aunty "what is there for breakfast?" She answers, "Upama". I hate upama, I told her, it's ok, I will not have breakfast. Uncle intervenes. "Have tea". I was already angry with myself about getting late and I was hungry, and nowUPAMA for breakfast added to my anger. I replied " No, I will have it there only, where I will have my breakfast." I rushed out the flat thinking what a bad beginning for a day. Then, Yasoda, My aunty's maid, called me "didi, aap aao aur chai to pee kar jaao"(Didi, come and have tea atleast). She is teenage nice girl, may be 15-16 yrs old. And I hate being rude to her, even If I am angry. Somehow, I like her. I told her," Nahi Yasoda, jahan breakfast karoogi, wahi chai pee loogi"(I will take tea there only, where I will have my breakfast). She caught hold of my hand and said " ek paratha hain, vo kha kar jaao"(There is one paratha, eat that and go). And she literally took me inside the flat. I sat on the dinning table and she got one paratha and chole ki sabzi for me. A tear was just trapped in my eyes, I forced it not to come out and swallowed food along with the tear. After having the breakfast, I thanked Yasoda with a smile and headed towards the lift.

Someone cares for me in this big careless city. This thought brought a smile to my lips and a tear to my eyes and I moved ahead thinking what a lovely beginning for a day.

2006-08-10T05:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I sit and wonder,where am I actually heading,what is that I want from Life.....Life is just moving ahead and I am trying all my mights to keep in pace with it...
sometimes I question my choice of right and wrong.....why I get angry and irritated for no reason at all....One thing I know for sure,no one gets angry or irritated for no reason at all...There is always some cause for burning this fire inside us and making us restless.....and that reason is deep down somewhere in our subconscious and we also know that,but we are too afraid or reluctant to bring it out.......Why sometimes big issues don't stir us up and why sometimes petty issues effect us like hell......All these questions and many more.........
But,yes I do need answers.......

2006-07-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

INNOCENCE

The students were howling like crazy and why they should not.Young kids of class five,absence of teacher in class and last period on saturday,all this is an explosive mix and how can they not react to it.But she was quitely sitting on her seat,very busy with her homework.
She was a girl who hates doing homework at home and try to finish it during breaks,free periods and the time one teacher takes to come when the other one has left.It was saturday,that means only 5 periods,compared to the 8 periods on other week days.Moreover,saturday was not only great because it was half day,it was even better because it bring along the hopes of holiday,Sunday.She was busy finishing off her Hindi Vyakaran(Hindi Grammer) homework,so that the rest of saturday and the whole of sunday she can spend on her own will.She always liked Hindi Vyakaran assignments,because it usually consisted of questions which require one line answers or objective question.That implies,easy and fast to finish.

All her thoughts were all of a sudden interrupted by someone's thunderous rebuke "All of you,stand on benches and hands-up".It was SNS sir's voice,she was astonished,why is he punishing them.SNS sir is one of those teachers who are very friendly outside the class, but inside the class they are real martinet.She could see SNS sir is very angry and telling the whole class that they are all a bunch of rowdies,who have no clue abt how to behave in class.There was only SNS sir's voice breaking the silence every now and then and others were as silent as corpse.But all his word were actually acting as fire and she was burning with anger......"He should see who were howling and who were not.....all because of him,I will have to do my homework at home....Oh My God,my hands are aching so much...all because of him....."All these thoughts were steaming in little brain.

All of a sudden the silence was broken by ringing of bell and all the kids,jumped from benches and ran towards the busyard,with their bags and belongings.But she quitely came down and started finishing the few sentences which will mark completion of her homework.SNS sir came near to her place and stood.God knows,what came to her mind and she said in a low,but stern voice,"You should make sure who all were making noise before punishing,now because of you,I couldn't finish my work.You have no rights to punish innocent people."and the end was marked by falling of few big drops of tear from her eyes.Before sir could console her,she shrugged off and packed her bag and rushed out of the class.

She and sir used to go by same bus and generally she used to talk with him in bus.But for the next whole week,she didn't even sit in any seat near to where he is sitting.Then,came saturday again.This time house meeting were scheduled on saturday. As every other school,even her school had four houses.And she was searching for the room where her house's meeting is going on.She couldn't find the room, and all of a sudden,she saw SNS sir and again God knows what happened to her, she went upto him and said "Sir,where is my house's meeting going on?"Instead of answering her question,Sir asked back"Why were you so angry all these days?"She smiled and said"Leave it naa,please tell,where the meeting is going on?"Finally sir told her the venue and she smiled again innocently and walked towards the room.

"Maybe this is innocence....."sir thought this and moved ahead with a smile.

2006-07-16T23:14:00.000-07:00

Its so difficult getting up early,atleast for me.And it's even more difficult,if you have been burning mid night oil for a week or two,because you have ur semester's final papers going on.
So,was my state.I had my project viva and the day before it,we all,I mean all my project partners,decided that we will meet at 7'o clock to discuss all about our project. It was the last viva and two days after that,first company was visiting our campus.
But my god,when I got up,it was already 7.15 and my head was aching terribly.I thought it is just because I got up early and I will be fine in few minutes.So,I got ready and took my scooty's key and was heading towards the parking lot,but what I see, both my project partners are waiting in guest room(Girl's Hostel Guestroom).I went there and both of them started nagging,as I didn't reach college on time.Finally,we decided to study in the guestroom itself.
I was trying to concentrate but my head was actually swriling.Somehow,my friend guessed it and said if I am not feeling well,I can go and rest.But there was no time actually.The vivas were about to start by 9.So,little time left.We studied and when we finished,it was 8.15.I told them,I will come to college by 9-9.15.
After resting a bit,not feeling well though,I decieded to go to college,I can't miss my project viva,that too in 6th sem.After two days first company is visiting our campus.And if I didn't get into first company and reults were out before second company comes,I wudn't be able to sit for any of them with live suppli.So,perturbed by all these thoughts,I got ready for viva.
There is one trend in our college,when there are theory papers,everyone is least bothered about their looks.But for vivas,everyone dresses up like they are going for an job-interview.I know,it sounds funny now,but that time,it seemed so normal.So,even though I was not feeling well,I got up and dressed up in a nice Off-white chudidhar-kammez.
When I reached the college,my friends told me the external will be late(whats new about that,that happens everytime ........) and they told me that I can go and rest for some more time.
So, I went back and came back some half an hour before the external was expected to come.We all revised the stuff once again.I was now feeling a bit fine,but not great.
Then,we went inside and the external was a homely looking lady,I felt relieved.So,she asked a question,what the project is all about and both my project partners started and I thought let them speak, then I will say something.But this modesty proved the trouble actually.The internal,one professor from our college,targeted me, "So madam,whats ur contribution to the project, you got the ICs, sholdered them, wrote the program or scolded these two guys to make the project?".I was actually furious and I replied back," I don't know sir why u r under an impression that I have not worked for the project,but I have contributed a lot for the project".Then he asked "U did sholdering for the board?" and I turned into a daredevil because he was accussing me in vain.And very haughtily I answered briefly," NO".He started lecturing some nonsense.Finally,when I couldn't take it anymore,I replied to him that I have worked on the C program used for the project.I knew he will not say a word after that,because he is one of those professors who come to class without preparation and kill 50 mins period somehow by just teaching two pages from book,scolding people in vain and talking of all other things related to college,but not related to the subject.So,he will not dare to ask questions on C program.
Finally,He said,"U took my intentions wrong,I just want u people should learn things and work properly on projects".I give a damn to such well-wishers.
But as soon as I stepped out of the room,I realized I have spoiled my own future.To retaliate,this professor might fail me in viva and then all my future is ruined royally if I don't get into the first company.My friends could sense my tension and tried consoling me,but I didn't want to cry there in public.So,I went back and cried in company of my room.
And I finally I got into first company only..........Now I give a damn even if I flunk in the viva.......And then, I cleared the viva also................

2006-07-13T03:00:00.000-07:00

LOVE

The sky was like a canvas painted with gold,blue,mauve and pink.Clouds were scattered like golden castles on this colourful backdrop.The air was moist,as if complaining against the rain that moisten it sometime before.It was like a farwell to sun who was all set to bid adieu to all of them.
But even being surrounded by so many companions,there was a tree,standing lonely, calmly, untouched by this farwell to sun.It seems that the tree was in lost in someone else's thought.
Yes,the tree was lost in the breeeze's thought.It was standing here since so many days,waiting for the breeze to come.
But there is a completely different story at the breeze's side.When she has so many people gone mad about her,why she will care for them.She was mad about someone else.Someone,who really doesn't care much for her presence.But then also,she will go round and round her beloved,the mountain.

Sometimes the tree gets really hurt by his own incapability to forget breeze and breeze's indifference.Then,it stands stiffly and shows it's anger.But the breeze knows all ways to cajole the tree.It goes round the tree and drops few old-yellowed leaves from it and let it smile again like a baby.

And this way goes on the series of love......................

2006-07-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

My Pre-Engineering tests results were out and the date for counselling was also announced.Well.I was not that happy with my rank,but my uncle did a extensive research and told me that I can get Electronics or computer science in some RECs(NITs now),if not in top ones.I was satisfied with this fact.That doesn't means my rank was exceptional,I was getting that because of the recently introduced 33% quota for girls.Ours was a newly formed state and this was the first time counselling was taking place in our state.Everyone was curious(read scared) that how it will be......
Finally,the D-day arrived.Counselling has to take place in slots.I was in the first slot and there was another cousin of mine,whose counselling was in the second slot.I hate getting up early,but whenever any important event is about to take place,the night before it,I am never able to sleep.The excitment keeps me awake,same happened this time.So,after meagre sleep,I got up early next day,got ready and prayed.After taking blessings from all,I flanked by my father,uncle and cousin headed towards the engineering college where counselling has to take place.I must say the arrangement was not bad,considering the fact that it was the first time this event was taking place there.I cud see lots of known and unknown faces.Then I met some distant cousin of mine,my father introduced me to him.Finally,God heard my prayers and I saw one of my teachers.So,leaving behind my relative and his son,I went and talked to my teacher.I introduced my father to him as well.Finally,we all were waiting for the event to begin.But God has planned something different for that day,in mid of summers,heavy rains started pouring down.My god,it rained for so long and so heavily,that all the arrangements were ruined royally.After an hour or so,Rain God decided to take rest.It took some time to clear the mess created and then begin the most awaited event by so many teenagers and their parents.
My counselling was in first slot,so I went for document verification and filled some forms after lots of chaos and advices.After all this,I was waiting out with my father outside the counselling room for my chance to come.Some times later,to speed up the process,document verification for the people in second slot started.So,my uncle and cousin went for that and I was left with my father waiting there in the chaos.Just 15-20 ranks before mine,my father announced that he is going to see where my uncle and my cousin are.I told him to return soon,because the process was going on fast.But as usual,he paid no attention to me and went ahead.
And I was waiting there all alone,met few friends,chatted with them.But there was a feeling of restlessness that was troubling me.Then,my number was nearing and there are no signs of my father.I got scared ,very scared.Then,I saw my cousin's teacher,I went up to him and told him,that I am going to search for my father and if I can't find him in time,will he please escort me for counselling.He answered "why not".But that answer was not enough to pacify me.I was really very furious with my father.I asked some one where is document verification for people in second slot is going,they told me first floor,left wing.And I was running in that unknown wing of a huge engineering college.I cud see people in few rooms on first floor,but no signs of my father,uncle and cousin.All of sudden,I saw a volunteer.He seemed to be a student of that college.I went up to him, and asked him where exactly document verification for second slot going on.Instead of answering he was asking me "why?",I was in no mood to answer him.But necessity is very cruel.I told him,I am searching for my father.He mocked by saying "Aapke papa kho gaye hain,kaise dikhate hai?"(Your father is lost,how he looks?).I felt like giving him nicely,but I had no time,all I cud say was "nonsense" and ran towards the end of the wing,but that was a deadend.I realised it was a futile chase,so I came back to the room where counselling was going on.
And what I see was that my father is standing and smiling there.All my anger vapourised by one sight of his.Then,we went inside and I told the person the college and branch I wanted.The seat was available and I got it in an instant.I was wondering,why exactly anyone is required to escort you.Anyways,all well that ends well.
But,if you are thinking its the end,then you are wrong.

There was lots of time before my cousins number wud come,so all of us decided to go and have lunch at home.That very moment I realised that I am actually feeling hungry.After a short break,we were back to the place where this major event was taking place.Now my cousin went to chat with some friend of her's and I was waiting with my father and uncle.It was almost evening and sky was darkened.I was sitting on the corridor wall flanked by my father and uncle.And all of sudden,I see the same volunteer,who mocked regarding my father getting lost,was coming towards us.Somehow,by seeing his eyes,I felt he will create some nuisance.So,as a preventive measure,I rested my head on my father's shoulder and started staring his shoes.I was uttering some nonsense,that even I cud not decipher.All of a sudden,I see this guy standing in front of us,with a innocent smile.He was addressing me and saying "To phir aapke papa mil gaye"(So,finally u found ur father).What a chutzpah,I uttered in my mind and then with my worst possible sarcastic smile,I said "Yes".But all of a sudden,out of unnecessary courtesy,my father replied"Yeh kuch jyaada ghabra jaati hain"(she gets unnecessarily scared).I was really furious,but decided to keep quite,so this moron will move out from there.
My God,I hate guys for all these fake guts they show..........................

2006-07-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

Night is darkest when dawn is nearing..........I heard this somewhere and realised this today.I don't know since when I am standing near the window and looking out,some song is being played on my roommate's PC.Its nice she is not in room tonight,else my lonliness wud have been interrupted.Slowly the sky is ligtening up and is getting coloured in all hues of gold,mauve and blue.I glance towards the alarm clock on my table.My table is next to window.I always like it there.And from the window of my room,u can see sun rising,so its a beautiful place to keep my table.The alarm clock is showing time saying that all night I have passed brooding and slowly my eyes started burning,but sleep is not in a mood to bless them.There is so much time to go to college,so I left window and came and lied on the bed,staring the ceiling and the fan.I tried concentrating on the rotating fan,the queer sound its making,killing the silence,the paint on the ceiling,that is decolourised by rains,but u can' help thoughts.They will come and trouble u most,when u want to shut them somewhere away from ur mind.So,finally I cudn't think of anything and I went towards the terrace.Thought of roaming around the terrace,but my legs were too tired from the sleepless night and I decided sitting somewhere.And finally I sat facing the morning star.It was a sad dawn with moisture in air,telling about the rain last night,but then also it was a lovely dawn.All of a sudden,I somehow felt that the morning star,standing alone,is feeling the same tinge of lonliness i am feeling.And then knowing it can empathise with me,my face bathed with tears. And after this I felt,that all my pain and sorrow is taken up by my empathising companion of dawn.
Now,feeling better,I thought of getting ready for college.So,went and took bath and then when I stood in front of the mirror,I was wondering,is the person with red eyes and pathetic look,peeping out of this mirror,is the person I have known as myself.While thinking all this a obstinate lock of hair was denying to stay as I wanted it to.I just moved it back,I am not in a state to fullfill any ones whims any more.Again this thought made my eyes moist.Well,no,i have to move ahead.So,finally I got ready and headed towards the mess.I took my breakfast and chose a corner seat,anyways,the mess was comparitively vacant.But one of the early riser was there and was astonished to see me there,all ready to go to college and out of astonishment asked "U didn't sleep the whole night naa?".I just nodded my head and gave a fake smile.To avoid any further conversation,I finished my breakfast soon and headed for my room.I took my bag and locked my room.After reaching the college,I chose a back seat and sat there with my novel.But cudn't help and raised my eyes,saw the seat next to me vacant and sighed a silent sigh.But as they say,Life is all about moving ahead.So.let life move ahead,even if it means moving ahead all alone.

2006-07-11T05:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why Life is potrayed as something so clean when we are young............

And when you finally encounter life's bare truths,u feel as if all ur beliefs are shattered..........U realise the world is not as beautiful as it seems...........U realise its like a bad cake covered by beautiful icing..............And when u dare and cut it,it stands there,revealing all that was not supposed to be exposed.................

I sometimes wonder are ethics a matter of choice or norms to be followed..............bcoz one can afford to follow all ethics,if its not effecting him/her or their loved ones.............but sometimes isn't it the case that our needs are so demanding that u have leave all those ethics and do something against ur beliefs,against ur conscience..........

As a teenager,I used to write all those poems on life and my aims and ambitions.........but today,I,one who used to believe,life is worthless without any aims,is standing and wondering what exactly I want from life.........Some days back,I heard a song by Shaan,"Aye meri Zindagi,tujhse koi shikayat nahi,par itna baata de mujhe kaab bujhegi meri tisnagi......."Same is the state with me............Life has gifted me with some of my lovliest dreams,but then also,I always question my existance every now and then..........................